


To The End

by Nativestar



Category: Endeavour (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 22:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5803642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nativestar/pseuds/Nativestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mrs Thursday meets up with Morse in the wake of her husband's death.  An AU set after Coda.  No spoilers beyond Prey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To The End

**Author's Note:**

> I hope all the foreshadowing and hints in series 3 are merely red-herrings and I'll be able to label this an AU after tonight. This is angst with a side order of angst. Don't say you weren't warned!

“It wasn’t your fault, dear.”

They sat in a tea room. It was on Mrs Thursday’s insistence; he’d have preferred a pub himself. (Not the usual one though.) She’d probably heard how much he was drinking. He’d feel guilty if he actually had the capacity for more guilt.

“It was his choice, but if I hadn’t—“

“No,” Mrs Thursday cut him off, “don’t do the ‘if game’. Please. It doesn’t help.”

Wise words. And not the first time Morse had heard them from a Thursday.

“I’m so sorry.” The words tumbled out. Morse didn’t know exactly what he was apologising for, there was so much to chose from, only that he meant it.

“I know you are.” She reached across the table to hold his hand in both of hers. “I’d forgive you in a heartbeat, I really would, but there’s nothing for me to forgive. It’s you, Morse. You need to forgive yourself.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

Morse had been hiding behind lies. Telling his friends, his co-workers that he was fine, he was holding up, he was dealing with it. He found he couldn’t do that with Mrs Thursday. He couldn’t lie to her on top of everything else.

She squeezed his hand.

“I spoke to Dr. DeBryn yesterday.” So this was what she had asked to meet him for. “He said that since Fred got shot last year, the fragment that remained had moved. He would have needed an operation soon and it would have been very risky.”

“He hadn’t been going to his check-ups.” Morse said. “He asked me not to tell you, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have done something.”

“That’s okay. He thought I didn’t know but after twenty five years I know when he’s not being honest.” She smiled softly. “I was going to make an appointment for him and frog march him down there. Probably would have asked you for your help too.”

Morse nodded. He would have helped, and Fred would have snapped at him and grumbled at Mrs Thursday but he would have gone, they’d have made sure of it.

“Anyway, Dr DeBryn spoke to Fred’s doctor and it turns out he actually did go last week. He knew about the operation, but he hadn’t yet decided whether to go ahead or not. The doctor said if he didn’t have it he would have died, but there was no saying when, he could have had years or days.”

“A ticking time bomb.” Morse whispered.

“Fred wouldn’t have wanted that. He’d have taken his chances with surgery.” There was no doubt in her voice. “I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Did he say anything to you?”

“No, nothing.”

Morse wished he had. Things would have turned out so differently.

“I didn’t think so. But I know he talks – talked- to you about things he tried to protect me from so I couldn’t help but wonder.” She smiled again but her eyes were bright with tears. “He always did his best to protect people. Especially those he loved.”

Morse nodded.

“Fred wouldn’t have wanted to die. But I know he would have wanted his death to mean something.”

Morse thought back to that day, ran it through in his mind like he’d done a million times since that moment. He couldn’t lie to her.

“I’m not sure it did.”

“He saved your life, Endeavour. It meant something.”

With one final squeeze she let go of his hand and rose to leave.

“That’s all I wanted to tell you, I just thought you should know.” She pulled on her coat. “And come by the house sometime, Morse. Don’t be a stranger.”

He smiled and nodded, not trusting his voice. Even though she knew as much as he did that he wasn’t likely to come by anytime soon. It was too fresh.

For hours after she left, Morse sat, alone with his thoughts and memories of a mentor who was so much more than that. He couldn’t forgive himself; he knew that much to be true. But maybe, just maybe, if he took those memories and boxed them up like fragile, beloved mementoes and stored them carefully in the back of his mind, he could forget.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in the Endeavour fandom so I'd love to hear what you thought. Also unbetaed so please let me know if any errors have slipped through! I don't usually write such short angsty one-pieces but this has played on my mind this last week so I had to get it out.


End file.
